He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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