theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
