Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
