Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
