I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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