I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
