I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
