i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
