When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
