I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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