3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
