He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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