Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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