I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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