billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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