I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
