dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
