I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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