just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dick very happy bro
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
