I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
