I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You were trust falling into bushes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
