Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
