As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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