South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
