Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
