I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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