im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
