Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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