my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
