i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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