He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
