the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
