I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
