I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
