Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
