i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
