There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
