I think I died a long time ago.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
