I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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