My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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