oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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