this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
