just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i will never coherently bang her
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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