Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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