I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
