I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
