But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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