DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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