More tranny stories later!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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