So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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