when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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