saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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