I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
