is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
