you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
