Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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