I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
