I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
