Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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