I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
