is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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