Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
