Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
