She is in my trunk
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
