booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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