Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
