He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
