I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
