he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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