Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
