The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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