well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
