Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
