She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
