u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
